Den’s ‘fun’ DoggyScope



December 22 – January 19

The stars are lining up perfectly for you.  It seems that all things will fall your way.  Your human will be extra careless this week and you will get even more erroneous treats that usual.  Nice!  Not only this but the stars predict rain, well the weather person predicts rain but that’s neither here nor there.  You know what that means?  Mud, glorious mud! Get your fill and get rollin’ as it’s not going to be here forever…unless you live in Scotland of course where rain and mud are permanent!


January 20 – February 18

I’ll be honest.  It’s not going to be a great week.  It appears all those socks you had hidden (for safe keeping of course) that your humans have been searching for high and low for weeks will finally be discovered.  Time to practice the party tricks to deflect their upset.  You can play cute and cuddly.  Yes you can…now put that down!


February 19 – March 20

The sun is in direct alignment with Jupiter rising.  This means that you are going to suffer mixed fortunes this week.  You will finally find the bone you had hidden in the garden months ago but you will also experience a trip to the vet.  Swings and roundabouts my friend, swings and roundabouts.


March 21 – April 19

All has been quiet for you in recent times.  Now things are set to change.  This week you will suddenly find your voice and bark like there’s no tomorrow.  You will bark and bark and bark.  Humans will just love it.  The stars understand that 2am is the optimum time for barking so gear up and get your holler on.  Your humans will thank you for it and you will get lots of treats and cuddles.  It’s either that or humans don’t like barking, especially at 2am… it’s quite hard to interpret the stars, especially as I have just returned home from Janey’s party and enjoyed the hospitality a bit more than I should have. ‘hic’…time for bed methinks.


April 20 – May 20

There seems nothing in the stars are foretold for you.  Literally nothing.  That’s odd.  Oops, my mistake…I had mislaid my reading glasses.  Ah, I see it all now.  It is all so clear.  The night sky stellar configuration has been interpreted and written on my astrological chart and it sees all.  The future is there and presented in all it’s glory.  Your forecast is…hmmmmm….still nothing.  I would just stay in your doggy bed this week.  I can think of worse places to be.


May 21 – June 20

Wow. What an amazing week you are going to have. Firstly, the planned trip to the vet’s is going to get cancelled. Secondly, your humans are going to be doing lots of training with you this week which means lot’s of praise and treats!  Thirdly, you will be going to that dog park with the slide and the water pool.  Fun, fun, fun!  If you were able put a lottery ticket on then this would be the week to do it.  However, that’s not to be.  Hey ho, nothing in life is perfect.


June 21 – July 22

You will receive a letter this week from someone you have not seen in years.  They will be in contact to bring you some exciting news.  It appears that your fortunes will improve.  Wait a minute! Who swapped the doggy horoscope with the people one?  You just can’t get the staff nowadays.  Let me start again.  This week you will be mostly tucked up indoors as it is freezing out!  Not the worst week in the world snuggled up in front of a roaring fire now is it?


July 23 – August 22

Your dreams of running through the meadow, bone in mouth and your play pals by either side is going to happen this week.  At long last I hear you say.  The sun will finally make an appearance and your humans will be off to the countryside quicker than you can say “where’s my leash?”.  Now go and enjoy, run free and make hay!


August 23 – September 22

The plan you have had for getting into the potato patch will finally come to fruition this week.  You have thought and rethought over every detail and this week the perfect opportunity will present itself.  Get yourself in amongst those potatoes and get them strewn to the four corners of the garden. Those damn potatoes think they can get away with growing in YOUR garden without so much as a how do you do?  Well, you have other ideas and this week is the week they will pay for their audacity.


September 23 – October 22

When you bit into that pineapple last week it seemed a good idea.  It wasn’t.  Yuk!  I guess that won’t be part of your five a day going forward?  But don’t let that put you off.  Your humans will be going for their regular grocery shop again this week and, again, they are going to be foolish enough to leave some bags unattended whilst they get more from the car.  Time for you to pounce and investigate…they can’t all be full of pineapples now can they? Really…can they?


October 23 – November 21

At the dog park this week you will bump into ‘Paul the Pekinese’, quite literally to be honest. However, don’t fall for his charm.  He is trouble with a capital T.  It will all start innocently enough with a bump and chase here and a bump and chase there.  However, when you’re not looking he will raid a toy from the lady with the Spaniel and give it to you.  This is not a gesture of friendship as he knows that Sid the Spaniel is very possessive and just loves that toy!  Sid is fast and he will be over at you before you realise what’s going on and you know Sid does not listen nor reason.  Do yourself a favour and give Paul a wide berth this week and let some other Schmuck fall for his antics.


November 22 – December 21

As the natural life and soul of the party and dog park it will be incumbent upon you to help integrate Derek the Dachshund into the dog park pack.  After you have had a good sniff and investigation then take him over to meet Bernard the Bernese, Suzy the Schnauzer, Pippa the Pug, Larry the Labrador, Gary the Great Dane and Frenchie the Afghan Hound!